17
Nov

Dealing with Grief

A GRIEVOUS SITUATION
By David Heard-Smith D.H.P.

The subject, about which I write, is one that a person can find very difficult to associate himself or herself with. That subject is GRIEF! Grief and how to deal with it, along with the accompanying guilt, loss, anger, love, hatred, unspoken words and disappointment. Indeed, the totally misconstrued cause or object of grief can be even more baffling and dangerous to our health.
From the experiences that I have shared over the years with other people, good friends, clients or acquaintances, and now through a very personal experience, I feel that I am in an ideal position to offer some advice. Advice, that, I chose to accept from a colleague and a friend. For many years now I have had the privilege to help clients deal with problems that turned out to be caused by an unresolved grief situation. Between us we were successful in dealing with the problem and affecting a resolution but never before have I truly understood, from personal experience, the real power of this phenomena.
Grief is a very important and healing emotional experience but only when the bereaved person is able to grieve fully without interruption in the process, either because of a supposed duty to others, an unfeeling or unsympathetic partner, the feeling that they are making a fool of themselves and being unmanly, self pitying or self indulgent or due to their own ill health. Another serious mistake is the idea that many parents have that a young child would not understand or not be able to cope with a funeral. It is so very important that they are allowed to attend this final intimacy between the dead and the living. They cope very well in their own way provided the adults treat them properly and take the time to explain and comfort them. Life is for the living and death is inevitable, a child needs to be aware and prepared for all that their world will bring.
When someone dies, whether that person is a close relative, a friend or just a casual acquaintance. Indeed, it may well be a pet for which you have cared over many years or nothing more than an animal that you accidentally ran down or killed in an accident. The simple fact is, that if you are affected emotionally by this event then you are likely to be affected by the subsequent emotion of grief. Life can seem very unfair at times. When emotion is involved with any experience it is remembered in a very different way to the normal events of life.
Let me suggest that perhaps you had a major row with one of your parents or a loved one, relative or friend, who subsequently died very soon afterwards. The guilt of that unresolved difference could be immense. Remembering that there are many types of abuse, maybe you believe that a person close to you or indeed remote, abused you in some way and you have failed to resolve the matter. There is then, an extremely volatile situation that remains unresolved with the very likely effect of eating away at the persons psyche and physical being. Unsettled business, which is so common amongst us all, due to our pigheaded refusal to confront or deal with it, remains the cause of so much ongoing misery in our lives.
This emotional imbalance can be and is often, responsible for an awful lot of ill health, unhappiness and disease during our lifetime. You may well learn to live with it but you certainly do not go unaffected by it and, of course, neither do your relatives, friends and colleagues.

What to do about it?
Well the problem is simple and, unfortunately, so is the solution. I say unfortunately, because most people like to ?enjoy? difficult solutions to their problems, because it gives them credence. We have to confront it with all the relevant emotion and resolve the situation, with the knowledge and experience learned through life. Everyone can make mistakes, say something or do something for which they feel ashamed, get hold of the wrong end of a stick or behave in a manner that they would wish they had not, had events and circumstances been different. Understanding and forgiveness is the key to your relief. Yes, forgiveness, even for the most dire sins or crimes committed against or by us. This is for the wellbeing of the perpetrator or the victim, whichever you are. We, who are left behind, are the ones that suffer and this is about us achieving peace of mind and subsequent good health and happiness. If you believe in any religion, even to a minimal degree, you will know that the dead are above such problems and if religion is a myth then they are just dead and out of it all together.
You could seek counseling and to some extent that will be helpful but it falls short of the straightforward confrontation that is the cure to the problem. Without wishing to be disrespectful it is, in many circumstances, pussyfooting around, holding onto a crutch instead of throwing it away and walking unaided. Face it full frontal. Deal with it using the same emotional degree and content that produced the problem in the first place, that is the only sure fire way to resolve the matter successfully. Be brave and empowered. Forgive and forget. Be happy and well.

How to deal with the problem!
All events that have occurred in your life that had a powerful emotional content are very deeply entrenched in your subconscious mind and more often than not repressed. Your subconscious mind is responsible for every function of your being and it is with your subconscious mind that you must make your peace.
Hypnotherapy is the most effective and quickest way to deal with the troubled subconscious mind. With the aid of hypnotherapy, conducted by a qualified and competent therapist, you can swiftly confront the situation that troubles you and resolve the matter outright.
Does this sound too simple? Well, all problems are simple and, surprisingly, all solutions are likewise. Give it a try or, better still, seek help to deal with it!

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