Self Esteem

By David Heard-Smith D.H.P.

Much has been and is still being said about how much we value ourselves and what we consider to be our self worth. This subject stands as the ‘root cause’ of practically all of our psychological, emotional and behavioural problems along with our automatic reactions to just about everything. So many people consider themselves to be worthless! A large percentage of these people will insist to the larger world that they are worthy but in private they hold a very different opinion of themselves. Very often this is a deeply buried evaluation and only rarely do they admit it to themselves and this, normally, occurs when they are depressed, upset or things are getting on top of them. One of our most powerfully disabling traits is Self Denialand this blinds us to the true picture of ‘what we truly can be’ and ensures that we stay as we are.
Recently I have experienced two very good, worthy and hard working clients who have failed to complete their therapy because of this very factor coupled with a great fear of what they may come to know about themselves. This fear has now ensured that they will, probably, never be at peace with who they are, never allow them to overcome their personal problem and continue to enact a powerful controlling influence over them from within but which is entirely beyond their own control. They do not consider that they are worthy of being truly and deeply happy with their life, health and achievements. They have succumbed to the power of fear, though they have absolutely no knowledge of what they are frightened of. What a very common human condition! Whatever happened to them in their childhood has already happened and cannot happen again but they, as adults, are consumed with this unknown fear that they allow to perpetuate their condition. Voltaire said that, ‘Common sense is not so common’, how right he was. Albert Einstein and Franklin D. Roosevelt both offer a version of another true saying, which, in its bastardised form, states that, ‘If what you are doing doesn’t work then do something different.’
The cause of this low self esteem is always embedded in the subconscious mind at a very early age and the extremely powerful experience coupled with an intensity of emotion is more often than not of little importance to the adult mind. The subconscious is childlike in its assessment of experiences based on feelings and emotions without the advantages of the adult ability of judgement. When the cause is serious, the adult mind is able to rationalise the event and deal with the emotions involved through educated and assisted evaluation processes aided by the therapist. Any anger, grief, frustration, conditioning or other emotion involved will be neutralized by the client as they work through it with the therapist to achieve a truly enlightened condition. The whole process is totally confidential and within a surprisingly short period of time the client is free from its previously powerful effects. The experience will control the victim all the way to the grave unless it is dealt with properly.
All of us have the ‘absolute right’ to be the best person we can be for our own benefit. We owe it to ourselves to be ‘selfish’. If we do not take care of ourselves then we will be of no ‘bloody use’ to anyone and conversely, if we function at our very best then we are able to be most effective in whatever we put our hands and minds to. Just by being comfortable with whom we are and loving ourselves is guaranteed to induce comfort and hope in others. Many people invest a great amount of energy in religion and enable the Almighty with the power to achieve all things. What a wonderful ‘cop out’ that is. Blaming whichever deity you support for everything that happens in your life, right or wrong. ‘He’ must get truly fed up to the back teeth with that whimpish behaviour when in truth YOU are responsible forYou and that is the truth of it. Stop denying that you have a problem and do something, anything different to that which you have previously done that didn’t truly work. Do you really have the right to live your life in any way but to it’s fullest. Personally, I do not believe you have that right because it is such a waste. Fix your problems and get back up on your bike. If you are able to say that you know what causes your problem and that you are able to deal with it then you are lying to yourself.
Look at yourself. Are you overweight, filled with unreasonable fears, relying on outside stimuli or drugs, allowing yourself to be controlled by others, giving way to illness, suffering deep emotional trauma or pain or perhaps you?re just a ‘Can’t’ person. Remember that can’t is not actually a word but as most people use it more than any other word it is best to know what is meant when you use it. It means either ‘I do not know how’ or ‘I do not want to’. Well the first is easy to fix, just ‘Learn’ how! The second is, even, more simple to deal with, just admit you do not want to do it and to hell with those who are trying to make you do what they want you to do. That could as easily as not include me.
It is a wonderful feeling to know that you really understand and know yourself. To know why you do things in the way you do and to know for certain why you react to different things in the way you do. Whether this state is completely achievable I am unsure but I do believe you can get to within ninety five percent of your goal with considerable ease. All you need to do is to stop denying you have problems, admit that you want life to be better in the future, decide what that is truly worth to you and then go and get it fixed. Remember that each and every one of you is a miracle of evolution and Mother Nature’s grand efforts from shortly before the moment of conception right up until now. You are unique but unfortunately damaged by the experiences of life, most of which can be reversed or corrected, a bit like an old car that has come into the hands of a good mechanic and panel beater.
Many people profess to know the value of something but very few actually know the worth of it. This is because its worth is peculiar to the individual. When it comes to finding a treatment to help them overcome their problem a value is placed upon it. The practitioner values their time and knowledge and levies a charge. You, the sufferer must consider if the benefits make the treatment worth it to you. This consideration will be based on how much you value yourself. If you were making this consideration in respect of your child it is likely that you would place a greater value on the child’s life than your own but is that right. Your worth to that child is inestimable. If you therefore add the child’s worth to your own then we have a very high value commodity in you. With this in mind, whilst selecting a treatment that will fix your problem, you have to throw out the idea of going along with the cheapest or easiest and concentrate on the one that is most likely to work. The fancier the trappings and equipment the more expensive as a rule, it all has to be paid for. The likelihood of it working is also worth assessing. You know that all the problems mentioned above and so many more are caused by your own subconscious mind so it is reasonable to assume that it is that same powerhouse that is best suited to make amends and invoke the changes necessary for your cure and recovery. Even the most closed minded amongst you know full well a drug will only mask the symptom for a short period of time and that the problem will return with a vengeance.

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