PROBLEMS WITH SEXUAL DYSFUNCTION
By David Heard-Smith D.H.P.
INHIBITED OR REPRESSED SEXUALITY PRODUCES ANXIETY!
ANXIETY PRODUCES INHIBITED OR REPRESSED SEXUALITY!
This is a well known fact within the realms of all forms of psychological therapy though many therapists have trouble dealing with the subject.
Sexual activity for pleasure within the animal world is peculiar to dolphins and human beings and during the greater part of the nineteenth and early twentieth century men and women in general did not believe that women were capable of enjoying sexual intercourse. Men didn’t know that women could enjoy or even achieve an orgasm nor did they have any idea how to help a woman to experience one. It is questionable that they even cared. Women were equally ignorant with regard to their sexual abilities. It wasn’t until Marie Stopes, a campaigner for women’s rights and a pioneer in the field of family planning, wrote her first book ‘Married Love’, published in 1918 that people began to take an interest in the subject.
Marie Stopes’ first marriage was annulled in 1914 due to her husband’s impotence. Her reading on the subject prompted her to put pen to paper. The book was condemned by churches, the medical establishment and the press but was still very popular, selling 2000 copies within a fortnight.
In 1921, Stopes opened a family planning clinic in Holloway, North London, the first in the country. It offered a free service to married women and also gathered data about contraception. The Catholic Church was Stopes’ fiercest critic. In 1923, Stopes sued Catholic doctor Halliday Sutherland for libel. She lost, won at appeal and then lost in the House of Lords, note how the men and the establishment stuck together. What’s new? The case generated huge publicity for Stopes’ views and thus started the sexual revolution. Those of you who think you kicked it off in the sixties are sorely misguided.
There is today, much said and written about the female orgasm and how many or what kind women should strive for but sadly, remarkably few actually achieve a truly satisfying sex life as my twenty years in private practice clearly shows. This can be due to medical reasons in a small percentage but by far the greater majority of problems in this field are caused by psychological difficulties along with problems in their relationships with men, unsuitable environmental situations and male ignorance or egos. Casanova was a user!
Stopes confined her views to married couples and completely ignored single people; in fact, she was ardently against any form of pre or extra marital sex. This meant, of course, that a very large proportion of the population was left in a state of frustration and anguish.
Within our collective subconsciouses certain major functions are held for the very existence of the human species. These are: our memories, feelings, emotions and our basic instincts.
Of all these, the basic instincts are the most important as it is they that aid our survival. The most powerful of these basic instincts is that of procreation for the purpose of the continuance of the species. Like it or not we are animals. Nothing more or less. This fact is beyond question. We are animals of the species, Homo sapiens. We were not born to be Rocket Scientists, Brain Surgeons, Archbishops or Bus Drivers but simply to produce more Homo sapiens.
Anyone dealing with reality in a rational manner knows full well that this has absolutely nothing to do with GOD. It is to do with the Evolution of the planet and its natural life forms. God is to do with an absolute and blind belief of faith designed to control the masses through fear, check the history. The degree of indoctrination of the species by parents, teachers and priests during that vulnerable period of early childhood or whilst severely debilitated through emotional stress and crisis is truly amazing. Before the fairy tales, Homo sapiens, worshipped, through the inherent superstition and fear steeped in his psyche, sensible and important deities such as the sun, rain, wind etc. useful, necessary and extremely important essentials to the continuance of life. They also worshipped fertility, especially the future production of crops, resources and new life. This was a satisfactory and intelligent basis for worship or belief because it was directed at the realities of life, at the continuance of life in all its forms. This is, of course, now denigrated as Pagan worship (even the word Pagan is misconstrued as it means a Minority religion) but it satisfied the premier basic instinct of the species. Since the virtual outlawing of such beliefs and the belittling of this deepest function of our reality much internal conflict has been caused and supported entirely due to the denial of the species’ basic and instinctive natural needs.
From the moment of your birth you have been indoctrinated by society, religion and your parents, who were themselves so taught and indoctrinated, that sex and sexual activity is liken unto the ‘original sin’. It is permitted only for producing children under the strictest of circumstances for the purpose of increasing the membership of the particular religion to which you were compulsory enrolled. Clearly, any right minded person would immediately question this situation or would they? Yes, on the face of it and in view of the, now, very large percentage of single parent families this restriction is no longer recognised but society, government and religion still quietly frown upon the perpetrators. Indoctrination is a most powerful tool for total control.
It is obvious to me that any deity, should such a thing possibly exist, would never give the new child all the feelings and instincts of their sexual functions and compulsions if it did not intend for it to be used. It would not arrange through natural development that such conflict be caused due to the completion of the process of puberty and the age of consent, set by the powers that be. Clearly, they would be coordinated. The interference of past power mongers, priests, is obvious. Why? Control! If you look at the behaviour of every other animal on this planet you will notice that no such conflict exists.
These indelible misrepresentations of the natural truth to which our basic instincts adhered cause a considerable conflict within the subconscious part of our minds. This subconscious mind is responsible for our entire well being and healthy function and any thinking person would immediately realise a conflict is bound to cause anxiety and unrest within the person. No matter how deeply devoted to religion the person is, the natural instincts will cause untold problems when denied.
Further to the causes above, life produces more problems for the child whilst growing up. They are frequently subjected to forceful verbal and physical abuse when they are discovered masturbating, a perfectly natural and instinctive act, which, even in this day and age, is gravely frowned upon. To the child there is absolutely nothing wrong with this behaviour he/she doesn’t even know about sex or sexual activity yet. All they understand is that it feels very nice and makes them feel good. Just as it felt when Mum or Dad towelled them off after a bath. Do you remember how they giggled and smiled? Now, suddenly, this is the cause of a whole heap of trouble being brought down upon their heads. Why? Because the unthinking or indoctrinated parents believe it to be bad even though they often did and probably still do enjoy an occasional act of self stimulation or is it really self abuse? Remember the trouble you found yourself in and your children still do when indulging in that age old game of ‘You show me yours and I’ll show you mine.’ How else are they going to learn the difference between the genders? In times past people used to go about naked, many still do. They have few problems with perversion in those societies. Everyone knows what the male and female look like when free of all the weird attire they wrap themselves in and its normality induces an acceptance. Certainly climatic conditions require clothing for the protection from the cold and heat but it is the puritanical hypocrisy of the attitude to the human body that causes so much trouble. In those areas where sexual relations between ‘married’ couples occur naturally within the hut or tent it only serves to educate the children to its normality and insignificances within the normal life. The next problem for the child might well be having a father, uncle or brother who finds themselves unable to resist interfering sexually with the small child, male or female. The mother, aunty or sister is frequently as guilty of this sexual interference as are the males. Of course it is not appropriate, especially amongst women, to consider that one of their own gender could possibly be involved in such terrible deeds but, alas, a very high proportion are guilty. More than you would think.
Then of course we have the situation where a child stumbles upon its parents, having passionate intercourse of a sexual nature instead of the normal passionate and violent argument. What a shock to the system this experience is! The father is pounding up and down on the mother and both are making very strange animal like noises. Mother may well be waving her arms and legs about and shaking her head. What is daddy doing to my mum? He is hurting her. Beating her. She is in pain. Well, to the unaware child, practically every part of sexual intercourse appears to be a most violent action and with the appropriate sound effects confusion, fear and guilt are very real emotions to the child. Remember that one of the biggest problems with abuse is that the child usually feels guilty because it is their fault. Why? Because the adults are always right. They never do wrong things, or so they cause the child to believe.
I could give many more examples but I suspect that if you haven’t got the picture by now you are clearly in denial. So what is there to be done about this mess? Well, what we have is a child who has developed a neurosis because of the over powerful emotional reaction to an experience that they are ill equipped to understand. They have developed an inhibition or repression to their sexuality, which is absolutely bound to affect their wellbeing and emotional comfort. It will cause anxiety and stress. Life requires them to have sexual relationships, they feel compelled to do so by their most basic instinct but the dis-ease they experienced inhibits their behaviour and enjoyment. Sometimes they force themselves to over compensate and become overly sexually active. Other times they find it very difficult to have anything to do with sexual activity other than that which is forced upon them. Many women find it impossible to achieve an orgasm by either penetrative sexual activity or masturbation and some by one or the other but not both. Many men have a lot of trouble achieving an erection or maintaining one. They are often mortified by premature ejaculation. Their egos, which are fragile enough, can be severely damaged which in turn can produce a serious change for the worse in their behaviour patterns. Anger and violence ensues in an attempt to reinforce the damaged ego. Much the same sort of thing can and does happen in the female but this is normally blamed on the male or some other cause. Humiliation of sexual partners who fail to bring about the required result is another way of setting in place a sexual dysfunction. It is amazing just how downright cruel both women and men can be to each other. I have often thought that there exists a great deal of fear and almost hatred between the two genders but, generally, at some point they cannot do without each other. This should not be a surprise as it is nature’s intention that they fulfil their basic and animal instinct to procreate. Your most powerful basic instinct firmly implanted in your subconscious mind during the foetal stage of life is to procreate. Your only purpose on earth is to continue the species. Ouch! Sorry but it is true. It is also a true fact of life that many psychological problems evolve due to this problem with the conflict in the mind between natural behaviour and teachings or indoctrination. Acute depression, poor sleep, migraine, vaginismus, premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, nightmares, promiscuity, seeking abusive partners both male and female, enuresis (bedwetting), psychologically based homosexuality as against genetically caused homosexuality, anger, misogyny, male-hatred and so very many more illnesses and conditions can be laid at the altar of sexual abuse. The problem with sexual abuse is the shame, guilt and fear. The denial that you could possibly have experienced that sort of thing at the hands of someone who was supposed to love and protect you is powerfully damaging. Sometimes the blame that’s placed on the other carer for not protecting the child can be more powerful than the blame on the abuser. The only truth in the whole horrible business is that it is not the fault of the abused and very often it is the fault of the way society and religion have interfered with the natural instinctive behaviour of the species homo sapiens. The rigid beliefs and practices within the family and community along with the powerful concerns of what other people think of you are indicative of the critical lack of self confidence and assurance of most of the human race. Even, no especially, those so obviously overconfident can suffer the most. To over-compensate is par for the course in human nature.
What can be done to help those sufferers of known or unknown abuses that result in a sexual dysfunction of one sort or another?
A great deal can be done to alleviate the effects of abuse and this can be done safely, comfortably and, importantly, without the apportioning of blame which merely causes more conflict. After an initial consultation to determine the known facts and existing problematic symptoms, an analysis is conducted under the influence of hypnosis. This takes approximately six to eight hours over a period of a like number of weeks. The result of this analysis is to allow the adult to re-visit the experience of their childhood, about which they have little or no knowledge, and re-access the whole experience with the knowledge and experience of an adult rather than of the pre-ten year old child. The emotional content of the experience will also be re-experienced but this time within the safety of the controlling environment of analysis. The result of this psychological healing is that you no longer suffer the effects of the neurosis or neuroses that have hitherto affected your life in a negative way. Your major problems are resolved and you have the freedom to live a very much more satisfactory life than was previously possible. Other tools are available to help people come to terms with this new freedom and all this will be discussed and thoroughly dealt with at your Initial Consultation.
Clearly this particular type of problem is only one of the many that can be resolved by the use of analysis or other procedures and there is absolutely no reason why anyone should not telephone to find out how they might be helped with their own particular problem. Remember that your subconscious mind controls every function of your being however vigorously you may deny it. It is the most powerful force you will ever come into contact with in your life.
Please be clear that I do not practise eclectic therapies but only pure hypnotherapy procedures.